“There is no better high than discovery.” -- Edward O. Wilson
Yesterday was stressful. I wound myself up in a ball over something that was, in the end, quite wonderful and emotionally relieving. In fact, the past few weeks have tested me in ways that I haven't experienced before, so much so that I haven't even had time to be on here. Through it all, I have had days of great patience and impatience, but this morning when I woke up I sat on the edge of my bed and pondered my sobriety and the way it has transformed my life. Facing a problem head-on is not easy, but with every little obstacle, comes a personal victory. Looking at life though a sober lens, I sometimes forget or take for granted that I live in the now. I used to live in anticipation of the next drink: where it would come from, how it would alter my mood, and the drink that would then come after that one. The present was not a place in which I spent much time. I was running towards lies and self-medication (leaving a trail of destruction along the way) and was not strong enough to bear the current moment. Today, I am fully alive and feeling everything around me. I am neither sedated nor anesthetized. I have a choice in everything I do and can fully embrace the surroundings I am in, even if it hurts me from time to time. Sobriety is not just about abstaining, it is about healing and acceptance, forgiveness and reflection. It is the path I choose to walk each day, always remembering that my worst day sober is better than my best day as a drunk.